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Sounds like the mother is very demanding and controlling, and has figured out how to make Arkqnsas wife feel a consant need to get approval from her mother. So there's a real issue with your wife's relationship with her mother that she really needs to work out. Sounds to me like the mother in law would like nothing more than to you walk out on Chubby redhead wanted wife.
That would mean she'd get better access and undivided attention from her daughter, and her daughter your wife would feel so lousy that the cycle of would be guaranteed to continue.
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Your wife is not going to stop caring for her mother, and never stop desperately seeking her approval. But if you her, you two can certainly reach a compromise and find a way through this conflict.
I think counseling for both of you would be an excellent first step, but if you decide not to go that route, I'd recommend reading the book "Difficult Conversations" together. This book Ladiew really great for dealing with conflicts like the one you are having.
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